What to Expect When You're Not Expecting (Yet)

No one warns you how loud silence can be — the kind that fills the space after a blood draw. And let me tell you, it's hard to keep showing up for those every other day. But you do it. Because you’re hoping. Waiting. Trying.

It’s the kind of silence that settles in your chest when everyone around you seems to be moving forward while you’re stuck on pause — again.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: IVF is a journey. And if there’s one thing everyone on this journey can agree on, it’s this — no one hands you the map. Or if they do, it’s written in a language you don’t understand and keeps rerouting mid-drive.

Expectation #1: You Will Become a Calendar Wizard

Your life begins to revolve around medication alarms, follicle scans, and counting days post-transfer like they’re sacred. You’ll start planning your schedule around lab results that could shift everything. Time stops being measured in hours — now, it’s counted in cycles, windows, and two-week waits!

Expectation #2: You Will Grieve and Hope at the Same Time

IVF teaches you how to hold two opposing truths at once. You can be filled with hope and weighed down by grief in the very same breath. You’ll mourn quietly — for a failed cycle, a missed milestone, or the version of yourself who once thought this path would be easier. And somehow, you’ll still get up, go to work, respond to texts, and carry on — even when your heart feels unbearably heavy.

Expectation #3: You Will Rethink Everything

Your body. Your relationships. Your finances. Your faith. It all comes up for review. You’ll marvel at your own strength and confront the depth of your frustration. Words like “trigger shot” and “luteal phase” will become a regular part of your vocabulary. You’ll see just how invisible the world of fertility treatment is — until you’re living it.

Expectation #4: You Will Resent and Rejoice in Equal Measure

You’ll get a text about a baby shower or see a surprise pregnancy post, and you’ll freeze for a second. You’ll be happy — genuinely — but the happiness will carry a sting. Not because you’re bitter, but because you know all too well what it takes to still be in the waiting. IVF doesn’t take away your joy for others — it just sharpens your awareness of what you’re still hoping for.

Expectation #5: You Will Find Strength You Didn’t Want to Need

You’ll discover a kind of endurance that doesn’t get celebrated enough. You’ll sit with uncertainty far longer than you ever imagined. You’ll cry in your car, wipe your face, and walk into that appointment anyway. You’ll keep showing up — for your future, for your dream, for yourself.

Because you’re not expecting — yet. But you’re still here. Still trying. And that means everything.

Still Hoping, Still Here

There is no manual for how to navigate the ache of not-yet. But if you're reading this, chances are you’re doing the impossible — holding space for something you can’t see, feel, or guarantee. And that? That takes courage.

IVF isn’t just about science or timing. It’s about heart. It's about faith in the unknown. It’s about waking up every day and daring to try again.

So here’s to the ones in the waiting. You're not alone. You’re not broken. You’re in it — and you’re doing so much better than you think. I see you!